The way of all flesh

A few months ago, I was shopping around for a new phone. So far, I've been a cheapskate - I just get whichever phone comes free with the cellular service. Which means that 2 months ago, my phone didn't even have a camera (*gasp*). But this time around, I had to shell out cold cash - and I figured this one had to last me a couple of years at least. So I shopped around a little, asked around a little. A colleague completely sold me on the Nokia e61. A nice big screen of amazing clarity, qwerty keyboard, full-functionality browser, tons of mobile apps to download, tons of symbian apps to run (even ssh). And wifi. Actual wifi. Though not in the standard US version - nooo. Cingular took the wifi out before marketing the phone to Americans (hmm, I wonder why).

And so my decision was made. I would get the e61, which meant I would have to order it online. It wasn't easy. This is apparently a very popular phone, and most places were on backorder. After waiting more than a month for Amazon to fulfill my order, I finally bought it from eBay. Now, I've never bought anything from eBay before, so I was on tenterhooks till the box arrived on my doorstep.

Finally! It was here, my beautiful, fabulous new phone!


I was finally up to date with the digital world. No longer was I the cheapskate with the low-tech phone. My phone was right up there with the trendiest and the coolest. It had a beautiful screen, an awesome browser, lots of cool apps, and ofcourse - wifi. I spent the next couple of weeks boring the heck out of everyone I met. How it had a qwerty keyboard, how you could ssh from it, how I had beaten the system (i.e. Cingular) by ordering the wifi version. [My father wasn't impressed - no camera? he said disdainfully] One time, I insisted on doing a side-by-side size comparison of the e61 and the Blackberry (*blush*). I even spent eighty dollars on a completely unnecessary bluetooth headset, just so I could use my phone's bluetooth feature.

You know what happened last week? Everyone was talking about it - everyone was looking for it - everyone was drooling over it. Steve Jobs announced Apple's entry into the cell phone market with ...




This is why I never go for "the latest gadget" thing - the latest gadget is obsolete by the time you unwrap the packaging. *sigh*
And you know the unkindest cut of all? Cingular's going to sell the iPhone *with* wifi.

Karmic Energy

(Is it normal to be writing blog posts at 1:30 am after a 12 hour workday? Probably. *sigh*)

One of my pet peeves is the English use of the word karma - you know, as in "chaarma". And even worse, "chaarmic". It's one of those overused, grossly misunderstood, new-agey words tossed around as a poor substitute for actual philosophy.

But yet, I personally find Karma yoga, as described in the Geeta, fascinating. And somehow very... satisfying. Let me elaborate..

For a long time the concept of Nishkaam Karma seemed totally unrealistic to me. Basically, it says - "You have the right to act, but not to the fruits of your actions". Do your duty, but without consideration for the result.
Now firstly, how would one generate the passion for action if one is not to think of the reward? But more importantly, if we take the result out of the equation, what is the *motivation* for the action in the first place? What makes the action right or wrong if not the result?
For e.g., If I see a drowning child, I ask myself - what should I do? Should I try to rescue the kid or should I continue walking? The "fruit" of my action is the child surviving. Now if that is irrelevant, then what difference does it make what I do? Why is jumping into the water right and walking away wrong?
Inescapable logic, right? This whole nishkaam karma thing is garbage - dump it! Oh, the blissful arrogance of being 21 :)

And then, years later, it finally got through my thick head. It took a few knocks of fate, and some in-depth reading.. But, one morning as I was brushing my hair, it fell in place - the whole thing makes perfect sense! In fact, its the most logical thing in the world.
The only thing you control in this world is *your own actions*. You can influence the fruits of your action, but in the end you cannot control them. So, you concentrate on what is in your power, and don't worry about the part that isn't in your power. It's not some ghastly self-sacrificing philosophy, it's the most empowering thing in the world. See, I could set a goal - say, getting a promotion. I could work my ass off, take great risks, pull late nights, jump hoops. At the end of a year, my boss decides that I shouldn't get a promotion - and what happens? My goal is not met, I am a failure, I am miserable. On the other hand, what if I say to myself - I am a software engineer, therefore my duty is to be the best software engineer I possibly can?
I still work my ass off, take great risks, all the same stuff. At the end of a year, I ask myself - was this the best I could be? Now, my goal is entirely in my own hands, my happiness is in my hands, my success is measured completely by things under my control. And as a nice side bonus, I probably get promoted too.

By giving up the fruits of your actions, you are not giving up happiness. Quite the contrary, you are saying that you and you alone control your happiness. You are taking charge of your destiny. Why waste time and energy worrying, hoping, envying, craving something that is beyond your control? And it is beyond your control, everything in this world is - other than your own self, your own actions. Take all that energy you spend dwelling on the outcome, and channel it into your effort. Ironically, it will only make the outcome easier to achieve.

It is an awesome philosophy. It is a strategy for success and a moral compass, all at the same time. After all, suppose you'd bad mouthed your rival colleague to get the promotion? And you still didn't get it? You would be stuck with the same sucky job, your colleague would hate you, and you wouldn't be able to sleep nights. The way I look at it is, you never know for sure what result your choices will lead to. So, just choose the path that lets you live with yourself, and leave the rest to fate.

It's a scary thing to do - we are not wired for this sort of thinking. Self interest, self preservation even, gets in the way. But try it sometime. Instead of asking - will taking on this task make me look good; ask - will taking this task be the right thing to do? When you can do it, its incredibly freeing. Funnily enough, once you get past the terrible fear, the second question is easier to answer than the first. And the pleasure of doing a good deed, and doing it well, can generate a passion all its own.

And as a bonus, you'll always have a clear conscience. After all, the greater cosmic question is not "Can I rescue the child?" The question is "Did I stand by and do nothing while a child was drowning?"

(P.S: Yes, I know, I've skipped over key issues, made some leaps of logic, and conveniently ignored some of my own questions. Whatever! Its almost 3 am, and this is a blog post, not a book!)

Lynching Despots:

Yes, I know, it's been more than a week since Saddam Hussein was executed. But the controversy surrounding his death is very much alive. I wasn't following the news too closely, so I'm not sure when the execution of a criminal got spun into sectarian lynching. But it baffles the heck out of me. It's one thing for the execution to generate controversy in the middle east. In that pressure cooker, it is inevitable that every action, every gesture gets interpreted and reinterpreted for ulterior motives.

But I can't understand the global outrage. Could the execution have been handled better? Probably. But guys, pick your battles. Talking heads all across America are complaining about the unseemly haste with which the sentence was carried out.. Would you prefer that his case languish through years of appeals? Did the Iraqi prime minister hurry the execution through? He probably did - so would you, if you had a ticking time bomb like a condemned Saddam sitting in your jail. This is a lawless country where insurgents set off roadside bombs in the capital daily. A determined escape attempt could very likely have succeeded. Isn't it possible the prime minister was just trying to get the whole thing over with? Then there's the "unseemly" behaviour of the guards. Apparently they were taunting him - Shocking! A barbarous tyrant was being led out to receive his just deserts, and the people he oppressed and tortured were taunting him? I thought they'd be handing out flowers!
The guards also shouted Moqtada Al Sadr's name several times. This did bother me, actually - it bothered me enough that I looked up more information on Moqtada online. (Yes, I'm ashamed of having to do that, but I needed to separate facts from impressions). Apparently, his party is actually part of the coalition government. And according to a US poll, some 67% of Iraqis support him to some degree. Hardly seems surprising then, that among the guards were some who admired him enough to shout his name. After all, his father was a highly respected cleric, murdered by Saddam's thugs.

NPR had a piece about the "incident" today. The expert commentator was, of all things, an art critic. He talked about how the grainy, unprofessional nature of the cell phone film gave the execution an air of seedy underhandedness. Well maybe it did, but considering the film was unauthorized, you can hardly blame the Iraqi government for its nature. He also complained that the setting was undignified - a dark, dingy, crowded little basement. He would have preferred a more open, lighted area (the town square perhaps?). It would have given the picture better - I quote - production values. What universe do these people inhabit? Are they so completely clueless about the incredibly harsh, terrible conditions in the country they have torn apart? I imagine secrecy, expediency and safety played a bigger hand in choosing the location than production values. Sorry about that guys.

Now stop shedding tears over poor Saddam, and turn to more important matters like fixing that whole damned mess!

(Postscript: The art critic also referred to the cell phone video as a "snuff film". And I rewound the video three times to verify that Saddam was praying when he died - ewww, I'm a snuff film buf!)

New Years and Resolutions

The last time I made New Year's resolutions was four years ago. I have happily lost the list I wrote up that time, suffice to say it was such a spectacular failure that I swore off making resolutions ever since.
Well, for some reason, I was feeling very positive and ambitious, and so I decided to go for it again this year. The best part of resolutions is making them, and I have always loved planning and making lists. Though, I belong to the "This weekend I am going to fix my life" school of resolution makers, so the hardest part was restricting myself to something reasonable.
Fortunately, I have a new plan to deal with this habit of mine. It is the rule of 3: I would make no more than 3 resolutions for the new year. I spent a pleasant few hours trying to prune my laundry list of resolutions. Finally, I cheated a little by framing "goals" instead of "resolutions". Actually, it isn't a bad concept - I realized that several of my resolutions were related, and were action items aimed at fulfilling various life goals - career advancement, losing weight (never seen that on a new years resolution list before!) etc. So instead of making resolutions about individual actions, I set myself 3 very concrete, measurable goals - i.e. "lose X pounds" instead of "go to the gym everyday".
Now of course, you can't attain goals without a strategy. So I made out an action plan, consisting of 3 lifestyle changes per goal. You know,
"lose 50 pounds" by
a) going to gym everyday
b) eating celery for all meals
c) running a marathon
(No, that's just a deliberately exaggerated example for illustration purposes - I would never be so unrealistic, not since 2003!)

So I have 3 concrete goals for this year, and a strategy of 3 lifestyle changes each to achieve these goals. Excellent! Now for the bad news - I have effectively managed to slip a list of 9 resolutions past my stern rule of 3. Therefore, I had to prioritize (and stagger). I picked one lifestyle change from each category, and that's the one I will concentrate on first. Good, we're now down to 3 resolutions again, but only for the first couple of months. Then, I'll have to maintain these 3 resolutions and additionally, pick up the next 3. Sounds easy, right? What could go wrong? This is why I never managed to keep a New Year's resolution - no planning, no strategy. All it required was a few hours of careful thinking. Onward & upward!

Then, a couple of things happened over the weekend. First, I tried my hand at snowboarding in Tahoe - and discovered that I sucked. I sucked so bad, I sobbed over my snowboard and swore never to go near the snow again. But fortunately, there was a friend around who didn't think I should give up "so easily". So I was cajoled out on to the slopes again. I strapped on the board, and bounced my behind on the Sierras several more times. I didn't exactly conquer the mountain, but we called it a draw. Then, later in the evening, I discovered that I had made a mistake at work. Just how big a mistake, I'll find out when I go in to work next week. But in the best case, it is still a pretty bad mistake. I spent all evening feeling like there was a huge weight in my abdomen. My can-do, conquer the world spirit was shattered into a million pieces. Where on earth did I get off thinking I had it in me to do everything I was planning for next year?
And then it came home to me - the failure of past well meant resolutions was not caused by lack of planning. The reasons were far more pernicious - getting easily discouraged, and losing self confidence when things went wrong.

So my friends, if you wish to keep your resolutions (and I know you've made them) - here's my advice... Don't let temporary setbacks, the caprices of fate or even your own stupidity, hold you back. Get up, learn from your mistakes and try again. It ain't over till it's over. Oh, and find yourself a friend who won't let you give up on yourself.

Goodbye, and a happy new year to all. What are my resolutions for this year, you ask? Well, I think its like with birthday wishes - if you tell, they won't come true.