"So, why did you become a US citizen?" I asked in a challenging tone.
The guy I was interrogating was in his 40s and had lived in America for something like 20 years. I was fresh off the boat and manifestly scornful of "Indians" who had "betrayed" their country by renouncing Indian citizenship for US. Like any self respecting 22 year old, I had lots of opinions and no doubts.
You can guess how this story ends ...
Ten days ago I stood in a room full of like minded people and raising my right hand swore to "support and defend the Constitution and laws of the United States of America against all enemies, foreign and domestic". Once again, I had no doubts.
When I came to the U.S I was quote-unquote patriotic; the jingoistic, nationalistic, my-country-is-better-than-yours kind. Don't hold this against me, that's the kind of patriotism society promotes. It appeals to the most basic human instinct of tribalism. It makes people feel good and demands remarkably little from their intellect or even their daily life. Cheer for the home team and chant your country's name on appropriate occasions. (And it produces the type of populace all governments want - the kind that rallies behind questionable projects with emotional slogans and impassioned them-versus-us speeches). Fortunately this brand of patriotism doesn't hold up well against the reality check of stepping outside the bubble. When you do step out you discover that everyone thinks they are the best.
It was quite enlightening to see the US's own version of jingoistic nationalism and compare it to the kind I had grown up on. Here was a whole new creation mythology, as similar as it was different - with Washington substituted for Gandhi and Lincoln standing in for Nehru. Here were confident assertions of exceptionalism and destiny that didn't sound so very unlike the claim that "कुछ है की हस्ती मिटती नही हमारी, सदियोन रहा है दुश्मन दौर-ए-जहान हमारा ". Don't get me wrong, these were all great men. But one does realise how fruitless it is to get into a pissing match about whose country is greater. It is human beings that are great or small and groups of human beings that rise above the petty selfishness of their world to answer the call of their times. Nations are not some receptacles of fate, they are simply convenient containers for people; solving problems of scalability, not destiny. We organize into nations for many good reasons but ultimately they are reasons of convenience. We have a deep need to identify with a national identity but bear in mind this need comes from an instinct for survival honed over thousands of years of tribal living. Don't pretend it is any more profound than that. The truly great aren't obsessed with proving their country's superiority, they are concerned with improving their lot and the lot of their neighbours.
To summarize - Getting all huffy if a foreigner points out obvious faults in your government because you feel obligated to defend your country, right or wrong: immature and pointless. Working to improve the condition of the people around you because they are your people: important and meaningful. Cheering when your national team wins the world cup: only human and what the hell, everyone deserves a reason to celebrate.
So where did all these realisations leave me? I no longer felt bound to a country simply because I was born there, or even because I had had a fairly good life there. Birth is not destiny. I felt free to choose. And choice meant answering the simple question "where is your home"? Where the heart is, naturally. And my heart, surprisingly, was in America. Through the challenging Bush years and the somewhat disappointing Obama years I came to the conclusion that there was nowhere else I'd rather be than here. This kind of decision is hard to articulate because it sounds like an implicit criticism of the rest of the world. But it isn't, not any more than choosing a mate. It means recognizing what your personal values are and knowing what speaks to your soul. It was here I first discovered my strong belief in individual freedom and individual choice. In non-judgmentalism and non-conformance. And a deep enduring faith in the power of rational, free thought and the relentless pursuit of objectivity. And it is here, at my home, that I hope to pass these values down to my son.
But all the same, when I took the oath of allegiance I didn't say the part about "renouncing fidelity to any foreign state". Or maybe I did say it. Doesn't matter because words cannot erase feelings. And renouncing fidelity to India when becoming a US citizen would be like renouncing one's maiden family on getting married. Life doesn't work like that, and I guess I'll always be a two state person just like I'll always have two families.
Also, not everything has to change - whether I celebrate Independence Day on August 15th or July 4th, either way I get to slag off the Brits!
